Is this the day...........?
I ask my self - Is this the day that I am going to die?What if I die today - just like that.Am I prepared?Will it matter to people that I was ever there?I ask my self all these questions on this cold January afternoon sitting in my bed - sick ,lonely and restless.With no one to talk to and a lot of work left to do I browse through the pages of "Tuesdays With Morrie" and ask myself these difficult and awkward questions.
I am not able to find any proper answer ........may be because I am afraid to die but at the same time not enthusiastic enough to live.At times it seems as if each day is just a labor.I am doing what I wanted so desperately but somehow I am not enjoying it.
I am searching for answers but I am able find none.Google doesn't help. Some how I strongly believe that I will not live see my 40th birthday.There is no logic to this hunch but I feel very strongly that I will die before I am 40.That leaves me with about 16 yrs to do what I want to do and the this that I fell strongly about .Just 16 yrs.Is that enough?I don't know but I hope that I will get all my answers in the next 16yrs .....because after that I wont be asking any further.
1 comment:
You have found no answer to your query because the question you have posed yourself has the answer hidden in it. YOu find no answer not because you are afraid to die but because you have a reason to live. Some times we fail to realise our stength and indulge in unwarranted introspection to reach no where. Go thru your earlier posts and you would have realised before you get to the end that you are no longer the X in an inderminate equation. You have made a begining so also you will find your end but not before you have achieved what you are destined to.
Keep writing. I am filled with joy to find that you are so good at it.
One advise, know your strength and value others filling about you and you will never get to a dead end with questions like the one you have put to yourself here.
Good luck.
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